Autism Acceptance Month 2018 Day 10: I is for Identity

BSL: identity (contextual: first sign is used when when referring to yourself, second when referring to another person)

I is for Identity

Human beings have a tendency to categorise themselves and others in various ways and through this, identities are forged; people identify themselves through groups to which they belong and form communities around that - for example, political beliefs, religion, cultural heritage, language(s) used, hobbies, disability, and neurology. These different aspects of identity come together in unique combinations.

Identity is hugely important for many autistics, and autism is a central part of our identity, which is why the vast majority of us favour the use of identity-first language ("is autistic") over person-first language ("person with autism"/"person who has autism"). I did an entire long blog post on it this time last year, which you can read here at 30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 15, and there are many articles on the subject by other autistics and allies, all easily available.

I identify as Autistic, as do many others, rather than as "a person with autism" or "having autism" because autism is integral to our very being - it affects everything about how we experience the world and is not just an add-on. I have fibromyalgia and ME/CFS but they do not define me in the way that being autistic does; I would still very much be the same person without those conditions (just more busy and less tired/in pain!) whereas if I was not autistic I would  be a completely different person.

I recognise that there are difficulties with being autistic, and while a lot of those can be significantly alleviated if the world was more autistic-friendly, there are going to be times when all the accommodations in the world will not prevent a meltdown. However, I would not change my neurology for the world and I would never want to not be autistic. It has given me the ability to hyperfocus in a way thatmight not be possible if I was NT, have an incredibly retentive memory for things that interest me (although I'm still incapable of going into town or to Sainsbury's without a list if I'm going to have any chance of getting everything I want!), a level of passion that I'm not sure I'd have if I wasn't autistic, an eye and ear for detail, a visual brain (really beneficial for someone who's involved in the Deaf community and wants to be a BSL/English interpreter!), the ability to think differently from others and thus put a different perspective on things and probably many others.

Having a formal diagnosis has enabled me to be confident in my identity as an autistic woman, which I went into more detail about earlier this month in the D is for Diagnosis post.

Being autistic defines me. I see many people, both autistics and parents, say that they "won't let autism define [them/their child]", but that's not actually viable, because the very nature of autism influences absolutely everything about a person: how they perceive, experience and interact with the world, how they respond to things, how they think, how they process, how they communicate, how they interpret things, how they manage tasks, how they learn... Everything.

Accepting an autistic identity is crucial for mental wellbeing. I don't mean that once you accept the identity everything is immediately going to be perfect, but it does allow for improvement and self-confidence. It helps you understand who you are and how you experience the world. If you are constantly fighting against that aspect of your identity, it makes it very difficult to progress because you are essentially at war with yourself, rather than utilising your strengths and being kind to yourself with and accepting of your difficulties. Since discovering I was autistic, I have been much more gentle with myself when I struggle, reminding myself that it's OK if I don't feel able to cope with somewhere with multiple background noises, that it's OK to request that people are clear and direct rather than dropping hints (because I cannot pick up on hints, ever!), etc. But also, I have come to recognise my strengths and utilise those.

 Once I accepted myself as autistic, I became much more confident in myself. I had much more insight into myself and how I related to the world, and it enabled me to find others who shared this identity and thus find a community to which I truly belonged. I wrote a bit about this process last year in Harry Potter, autism and me. And this can be wonderfully liberating.

Accepting that I was autistic and strongly identifying so gave me the confidence and self-esteem to be fully and authentically me, without restraining behaviours and communication styles that were autistic and trying to adhere to NT standards and conventions that felt uncomfortable, unnatural and wrong. Acting NT (or at least, trying to follow conventions that would reduce the likelihood of me being bullied, singled out and excluded). Stimming in public? No longer suppressing that just because some people think it's weird! And to be honest, the more people who are unafraid to act autistically in public and are themselves, the better - it becomes less unusual, less remarkable, and will hopefully lead to greater acceptance because people will realise it is simply one aspect of humanity.

And if autistic children see autistic adults accepting their identity and being authentic and true to themselves, hopefully they will be more confident in themselves. The Deaf community, as I've mentioned previously, has a concept called "Deaf positive", and it's all about being confident in youself as a Deaf person, as a sign language user, as equal to hearing people, accepting and embracing your Deafness and being part of a community of people like you. Deaf youth can look at Deaf adults who are comfortable and confident using sign language in public, requesting and explaining communication needs, living happy and successful (however you want to define that) lives.

Part of autism acceptance is the autistic equivalent, which I refer to as Autistic Positive. We desperately need that and autism acceptance - true acceptance - means that autistic people are confident to be themselves, accepting of how their brain works, because NT society accepts them ("acceptance is an action" is a common phrase you'll see around, and it really is - it requires people to make effort to include autistics and to not try to make us NT, to accept us as we are) and confident in their identity as an Autistic person.

I hope this makes sense as I'm a bit tired and have been thinking heavily in BSL rather than English!

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 20

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Day 20:

Talk about communication.  Are you verbal? Nonverbal? Partially verbal?  How do you usually communicate?

First of all, I'm not going to use the terms "verbal", "nonverbal" or "partially verbal"; I'm going to use "speaking" instead of "verbal".

Why? Because it's the preferred term by autistics like Amy Sequenzia and others. And we should go by what they prefer because that's their reality. To do otherwise is disrespectful and silencing.

Some might say I am and they are being pedantic, that it doesn't matter. Actually, it does. It's more than just semantic pedantry - it's simply accurate. We don't use "wheelchair-bound" any more, we use "wheelchair user". The former suggests that the person is physically bonded to their chair - which simply isn't true! - and even if it's not taken that way, the term assumes complete inability to stand or walk, which is only true for a minority of chair users. I'm a wheelchair user but I do have some ability to stand and walk. Only for a very brief period and I can only hobble/stumble a few metres on a good day (on a bad day I can't stand or walk at all), but even then I use a walking stick, the walls, furniture and people. The term "wheelchair user" is simply more accurate.

So why use "speaking" and "non-speaking"? Because the use of the term "verbal" suggests possession of language and the use of the term "nonverbal" suggests an absence of language. As Amy Sequenzia, Carly Fleischmann and others have demonstrated, that's just not the case! Communication through typing is verbal just as much as communicating through speech. They have the language, they just don't communicate through speech. They still communicate through words. Other autistics use picture boards, cards and other alternative and assistive communicative (AAC) methods. They are all "verbal" people, they just don't speak. "Speaking" and "non-speaking" reflects greater accuracy of communication methods.

I am speaking, the vast majority of the time, so I'd probably be classed as speaking, though I don't know if my occasional difficulties would technically label me as "partially speaking". I usually communicate through speaking (and obviously writing), but as I've mentioned in previous posts, I also use British Sign Language and the communication cards from Stickman Communications that my friend Hannah makes (they're fantastic) - she's got a whole range for many different conditions, including autism, and she does packs that include all the relevant ones for specific conditions/situations (diabetes, wheelchair, autism, etc). They are SO USEFUL! If you experience spoken communication difficulties, I highly recommend them (I'm not just plugging them because it's my friend's business, I'm plugging them because they are SO DAMN USEFUL!)

I favour typing because it gives me the opportunity to think about what I'm saying and ensure that my meaning, points, etc are accurately conveyed. It allows me more processing time than face-to-face conversations, which generally demand immediate responses, which is stressful. I often stumble over my words, especially when I'm stressed and/or tired. I long ago lost count of how many times my spoken words have got people angry, upset, etc when it really wasn't my intention and I've been grossly misunderstood because I haven't been able to articulate myself properly.

So I'd probably describe myself as mostly-speaking - I don't think that the term "speaking" is entirely applicable to me because of what I've said above. "Partially speaking" suggests that my ability to communicate through speech is lower than it is.  So I'd go with "mostly speaking".

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 19

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Day 19:

Talk about your struggles and strengths.  What things are difficult for you because you are autistic?  What are the positives of being autistic?  Do you have a special skill or talent?

Being autistic in a neurotypical-centric world can be challenging at times, so yes, I do have a number of difficulties, and they are often difficult because of the world in which I live. However, there are definite positives of being autistic, too.

Difficulties

The world can be too loud, too bright, too overwhelming.

I'm hypersensitive to light, which can be extremely painful. I'm not sure how much of it is because I'm autistic and how much of it is because I have Irlen Syndrome, as there's a lot of crossover, but as I'm hypersensitive in all my senses, some influence from the autism would make sense.

My olfactory (smell) hypersensitivity can trigger nausea and headaches, and there are places I have to avoid because of the smell(s), especially if there are multiple smells combined. If I go past Lush on the high street I have to take a deep breath a safe distance from it, check in which direction the wind is blowing and then just roll past as fast as I can so I can breathe again. It's really not helpful when people say "It's not that bad" and "Stop being melodramatic about it" - yes, it is "that bad" and no, I'm not being "melodramatic". The smell is unbearable to me and causes me problems; please respect that.

My hypersensitivity to touch can make clothes shopping really challenging - there are quite a few fabrics that I cannot bear the feel of on my skin and quite a few that physically hurt. I'm difficult enough to shop for because my arms and legs are so long (if I want a long-sleeved top, I'm better off going to the men's section because women's long-sleeved tops generally stop about 3 inches short of my wrists), so this just makes it even harder!

I have very sensitive hearing due to being autistic, so sounds that don't bother other people do bother me and cause physical pain - the high-pitched whine of a kitchen appliance, the buzz of a heater, the crackle when the TV scart lead is ever-so-slightly out of its optimum position, for example - to the point where if it's not dealt with it can trigger a full meltdown.


Multiple noises make it impossible for me to comprehend words, usually things being said to me - they merge together and become one big wall of incomprehensible NOISE, which hurts and is overwhelming and generally triggers meltdowns.

Meltdowns are horrible. For me, they're triggered by sensory overload (sounds, light(s), smells, etc) or stress. It's a horrible sensation, complete loss of control, can lead me to hurt myself (such as repeatedly hitting my head or some other part of me against a wall), leaves me utterly drained and exhausted and (though this is at the bottom of my list in terms of importance) isn't socially acceptable. These days they only tend to occur when I'm unable, for whatever reason, to get out of a sesnory-overload situation (multiple noises and stress are the most common triggers for me). There are usually warning signs - it doesn't just happen out of nowhere, I'll be showing signs of increasing discomfort and agitation.

The time taken to process information, questions, etc is usually a little longer than for NTs. This can then give the impression that I'm not listening (and then people get annoyed with me - don't do it, guys, just allow us a bit more time to process and we'll answer when we're ready), that I've not understood (if I haven't understood, I'll say so), that I'm being rude, that I'm being evasive, etc. This one only counts as a difficulty when people aren't willing to give me the time I need to process things (this is particularly problematic at job interviews, where pressure and stress are already high).

Stress has a tendency to cause me to stumble over my words and/or on some occasions, when I'm stressed enough, lose the ability to communicate through speech. From what I've read, this seems to be a fairly common issue for autistics.

Misunderstandings of people, both verbally and non-verbally, is really common. It's something I'll talk about in more detail at a later date. It's caused a lot of difficulties with a lot of people.

I don't like admitting it, but I am vulnerable to being used and manipulated without realising it. It's happened to me on a few occasions and it's really not acceptable. This is a common problem for autistics, and another topic I'll cover in more detail in future.

My tendency to be very rigid can cause problems - I need structure and I need to know things. Not having them can throw me so badly off-kilter that it will mess up the rest of my day and possibly cause a shutdown or meltdown because I simply can't process it. If someone suddenly changes a plan, I really struggle to process it and if something unexpected comes up, something I haven't planned for, I can't deal with it. Again, this is something I'll explore in more detail another time.

Positives

I have an excellent eye for detail that others often miss.

I'm methodical, precise and thorough, which is really useful for many different things in life.

People know that when they ask for my opinion, they're definitely getting the truth! I've got a couple of friends who like going clothes-shopping with me because I'll tell them straight up, in these words, if they look awful in something! I'm not going to try and put a positive spin on it, I'm not going to be tactful, I just tell it like it is!

With my "special interests", you can be sure I'm an expert and know lots of information and details about them!

I'm very visual, which is really useful for someone working with sign language! I've picked up the language very easily, a lot more easily than many hearing people, because I already think visually - I recall things in images rather than words. It also comes in useful when learning new routes - I often only need the directions the first couple of times, and then the next couple of times have them to hand just in case for prompts, and then after that I'm good. I remember key visual details (and I'm also fairly good at translating into my mind the maps of the route that I've drawn). Also, everything gets colour-co-ordinated!

**

I suspect there are other things as well, but that's all I can think of at this point. A lot of the difficulties can be ameliorated or even removed completely if environments are more autistic-friendly, so they're more problems with the world rather than my neurology.

As for special skills/talents, I'm pretty good with words, I sign... Probably other things, so I'll come back to this another time. I'm quite tired now.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 11

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Day 11: 

Talk about sensory issues.  Do you also have sensory processing disorder?  What kind of clothes do you wear?  What foods do you eat?  Are you sensitive to light or sounds?  How do you deal with overstimulation?

I'd need to check my full diagnostic report for whether I have a formal diagnosis of SPD (sensory processing disorder) but I definitely have issues with sensory processing. A lot of autistics are either hyper- or hypo-sensitive in various senses; I have hypersensitivity in all my sense (because why be middle-of-the-road when you can go all out and be extreme?!)

Hearing
My ears are really sensitive; I often hear sounds that most other people don't and can pick up on subtle differences and discordances that miss NTs (and older people). It's quite handy for musical things because I can easily tell if something's slightly out of tune, and I can hear that approaching emergency vehicle before other people so I've got more time to prepare to pull the car over to one side so it can pass. And as I want to go into sign language interpreting, good hearing is pretty important!

However, a lot of sounds that don't bother other people, or cause only the mildest irritation to them, can be incredibly painful to me. I often find myself covering my ears to block out/reduce the sounds when it's not an issue for anyone else; occasionally in the past it would make me horribly self-conscious but, as is frequently the case for me, caring about what other people think is secondary to being comfortable and able to cope. And multiple sounds will blur together and form one big wall of unintelligible noise that can trigger a meltdown; if there are several different sounds around me, I can't tune out some and focus on the one I'm actually listening to, so I don't like being in those environments. My coping threshold varies - if I'm with friends and comfortable and so on, I can cope better than if I'm not doing so well mentally, I'm tired or other such things.

Sight
It's pretty difficult to extricate autistic hypersensitivity from the Irlen Syndrome; a lot of autistics have Irlen as well. My tinted glasses really help, as they filter out the wavelengths of light that my brain doesn't like (Irlen is a brain condition, not an eye one) - I have claret, yellow and two kinds of blue in my lenses, as well as distance lenses (I'm also short-sighted). But flashing lights are unbearable and can trigger meltdowns. I don't have super-vision or anything like that, thanks to my genetics (my mother is also short-sighted; as my husband also is, I suspect that any children we have in the future are extremely likely to be short-sighted as well!) However, I can pick up on details that other people miss.

Smell
Hypersensitive! I often pick up on smells that others don't, and smells that are pleasant for them can be unbearable and overwhelming to me. My father (undiagnosed but at least as Aspie as me!) used to get Indian takeaway every Saturday night (he's currently on Japanese every Saturday) and on Sundays he'd reheat the leftovers and have them for lunch; the smell was horrific, so strong that it made me feel ill. I'd complain to Mum about it and pre-diagnosis she'd always be a bit scathing, telling me not to be so melodramatic and that it's not that bad/as bad as I was making out. Now I have an official diagnosis and she's accepted it, she's much more sympathetic. I'm not good at going into places like Lush, and when I roll past it on Exeter high street I have to take a deep breath before I get within smell range and go past as quickly as possible without breathing it in, because although a lot of the individual smells are nice, the combination of them isn't and is also completely overwhelming, far too powerful.

Taste
Same sorts of experiences as with smell (which makes sense; the two are closely interlinked). I don't eat spicy things because they're unbearable and also wreck my tastebuds for the rest of the meal.

For a long time when I was growing up I couldn't eat things like pizza, spaghetti bolognese, etc, because there were multiple flavours and textures in the same mouthful and I couldn't cope with that; even now, where possible, I'll only eat a mouthful/forkful of one taste or flavour at a time because that was all I could cope with.

Stereotypically, I used to be a very picky eater. There were so many things I wouldn't/couldn't eat because the texture was uncomfortable or the flavour wasn't pleasant. It was a nightmare when we ate out because a lot of the time I'd end up with a plate of chips and that was it. There was also the fear of the unknown that's so common with us autistics, and I didn't want to cause a scene or waste my parents' money on something it turned out I didn't like.

I've got better as I've grown up and am more willing to try something new, although I'm still wary of trying something new in a restaurant/takeaway. Gideon's introduced me to loads of things, and it does amuse me that the two things my mum can't stand (spinach and mushrooms) are things Gideon got me liking! There are a few foods I still don't eat because I don't like them, and I can generally spot them a mile off! My husband knows better than to sneak peppers into anything because no matter what you do with them, I will taste them! Other foods I can only eat in certain ways, either because of taste or texture - I can't stand cooked tomatoes and I only eat cheese if it's hot and melted. But overall I'm a lot better and I eat most things; I'll never like peppers, celery will never be something I touch because of the texture and the stringy bits (they're unbearable and they get trapped between your teeth), and there are some other things I'll never eat because of taste and/or texture.

Touch
Clothing is a big one here. There are a number of fabrics that I cannot cope with having touching my skin. I'm really sensitive to the rougher fabrics, far more so than NTs, so I only wear soft things. Wedding-dress shopping was a huge challenge - on top of finding something that worked with the wheelchair and that wasn't strapless (which instantly ruled out a good 95% of dresses), there was the matter of finding fabrics that I could tolerate against my skin, a difficult challenge because tulle is a popular wedding-dress fabric. I tried on one that barely touched my skin before I started going "Nopenopenope!" The shop lady told me to put it on further and let it settle, but my friend Julie (who was with me) just turned round and informed her that she shouldn't do that because I'm autistic and hypersensitive to certain fabrics, and that if she insisted on me putting the dress on more I'd have a full autistic meltdown in her shop. It was particularly harsh tulle; I came across much softer tulle in other dresses and the dress I went with in the end did have tulle but it was much softer, though as it was, they put opaque satin under the tulle that would otherwise have been directly on my skin because of the sensory issues.

Growing up, I was a bit of a nightmare to go clothes-shopping with because of the hypersensitivity. It didn't help that I'm so long it was a challenge to find anything that actually fit! Once we'd got past that obstacle there was the matter of finding fabrics I could tolerate - no easy task on many occasions. It drove Mum up the wall! As an adult I'm still very picky about fabrics and I don't like ordering clothes online, partly because they probably won't fit but mostly because I can't feel them over the Internet like I can in a shop. I still hate clothes shopping, because of the combination of finding comfortable fabrics and things that fit (if I want a long-sleeved top I generally have to go to the men's section because women's tops don't have long enough sleeves; most trousers are too short).

How do I deal with overstimulation? Not well. Clapping my hands over my ears, rocking, screeching/keening, squeezing my eyes shut... In short, full meltdown. If it's a gradual intensifying of overstimulation I can get myself out of the situation prior to a full meltdown, but I don't always recognise the warning signs. I need somewhere quiet, with dim light (NO fluorescent lights), where I can calm down. If I can, I notify the people I'm with about what's going on. I also have communication cards because when I get too tired, stressed, overloaded, etc, I lose the ability to speak and not many people know BSL. My friend Hannah makes the cars as her job and they're absolutely fantastic; she has an "autism" set and I've got a lot of them because they're so damn useful! You can find them at Stickman Communications (and she ships to the US now as well!)

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 5

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I didn't have the opportunity to post this yesterday so I'm going to do day 5 and then day 6 to catch up.

These posts still seem to be fairly introductory, I think not least because this blog is still fairly new and 30 posts in 30 days is quite intense. Once April is over I'm planning to take it a bit more gently and choose topics that I want to go into more depth with. Readers, feel free to ask me to post about specific autism- and disability-related things!

Day 5: 

Talk about employment and your career.  What do you do to support yourself?  Are you on disability?  Was it hard to get or maintain?

Employment. Oh joy. I know the employment rates of disabled people and autistic people are well below what they could be, and some of it is that some people simply can't work or are limited, like myself. Some of it is a lack of skills and education, and that's something that, with the right information, access and support, can be remedied. Some of it is down to the availability of suitable jobs. Another issue, and this is a big one, comes down to stigma, prejudice and discrimination from potential employers - they simply don't want to have to spend the time or money to make accommodations when they could just hire an able-bodied, neurotypical person. Sometimes the funds to make the accommodations and adaptations aren't there. I think I've covered everything but I'm quite tired at the moment so feel free to let me know if I've missed anything!

I had a part-time job November 2005 - July 2006, working as a receptionist in my optician's. It was an ideal job at the time, because it worked around my various college courses (it was the academic year after I failed my placements on the occupational therapy course, so I was doing AS-Level French, ECDL (European Computer Driving Licence - nothing to do with cars!) and level 1 British Sign Language). Most of the staff there had known me since I was 11 and I knew them, which made it quite easy to slot in, and it was a really great place to work. I left when I did because we were going on a family holiday to Canada before I started my English Lit degree at Exeter. This was all long before I knew I was autistic.

I haven't had paid employment since then, because the fibro and ME/CFS kicked in the summer between my first and second years, and that's been a massive hindrance. I'd say a lot of the reason I haven't had paid work since 2006 comes down to that, rather than being autistic, although there are issues with the autism that have hindered my ability to gain paid employment. I can only work part-time, half-days only; I get tired easily; I need wheelchair access; I sometimes have bladder and bowel issues because of my physical conditions. That instantly limits the jobs I can even apply for - most jobs advertised are full-time and jobshares aren't always an option (either no other applicants are interested or the place won't accommodate that possibility), quite a few aren't wheelchair-accessible, and/or there isn't parking.

But this prompt is autism-centred, so I'm focusing on that. My written applications are generally fairly good, I've been told - I'm articulate, methodical, detailed and present myself well. I'm well-qualified (my GCSEs consist of 7 A*s, one A and one B; my A-Level grades are ABB and I have two Cs at AS-Level (halfway between GCSE and A-Level) in French and History, I have a DipHE in occupational therapy as I passed the academic side of the course, and a 2:1 BA (Hons) English Literature and a Merit for my Creative Writing MA; in addition to that I hold an ECDL qualification - though that's probably out of date now as Microsoft Office has changed so much since 2006! - and a level 3 NVQ in British Sign Language).

There are certain jobs there's no point me applying for. I can't work in call centres because there are too many different noises and I can't make out individual sounds; if I'm somewhere that has multiple noises, they blur together to become one big wall of sound, crashing over me in waves, and I cannot distinguish what people are saying, etc. Quite often if this goes on too long it can lead to sensory overload and thus meltdowns. Not really viable for a workplace! I couldn't work in a supermarket or similar, either, because between the different noises, the lights, etc, it's just unbearable. A comfortable environment, one that doesn't cause sensory overload, is ESSENTIAL for autistics. And more and more, workplaces seem to be becoming sensory nightmares.

I generally disclose at the application stage that I'm autistic, so they're aware long before the interview stage, although the decision about whether or not to disclose is complex and I'll do a more detailed post about that in the future. When writing my applications - most of the jobs I apply for require some sort of personal statement rather than just submitting a CV with a covering letter - I explain how being autistic is a positive thing and will make me a good employee. I have a really good eye for detail, I'm methodical, I produce work to a high standard, I can often bring a different perspective. I think in the past I've said other things as well but I can't remember right now. I try not to over-emphasise my neurology - finding a balance can be challenging! - but I want to point out the positives in case there's uncertainty about my ability to do the role. I suspect this approach doesn't always work - I'm certain there have been some occasions when the potential employer sees the word "Asperger's" and instantly dismisses me, although not explicitly stating this as the reason for my rejection because that would be discrimination and they could get into a lot of trouble over that, but I've lost track of the number of times I've been told that "there was someone else with more experience", and while I'm sure that's the case some of the time, it gets a bit wearing and you do start to wonder after a while.

The interview stage is the hard part. One of the reasons I was keen to get a formal diagnosis is because previously, I'd go for an interview and in the feedback I invariably got told "We didn't like that you didn't make eye contact". I don't make eye contact; it's one of the really obvious signs with me that I'm autistic. Having a formal diagnosis means that I can explain prior to any interview that I won't be making eye contact because I'm autistic and that's one of hte ways it affects me. I'll probably devote an entire post at some point to eye contact!

I'm not good at reading people's non-verbal communication in interview situations. I'm better than I was but it's something I think I'll always have difficulties with. And this is where I fall down. I don't have the neurotypical body language that interviewers expect, I don't make eye contact, I miss subtleties in non-verbal communication (body language), I sometimes misunderstand things that are said. I do plan to work on improving it, but it's an area I know I struggle with. I've never been successful in a formal interview; when I went for the one at my optician's, it was more an informal chat than anything else. And this is something I'm reading and hearing is a massive massive issue for so many of us. Job interviews as they stand are geared towards NTs - their social expectations, their behaviour, their communication (verbal and non-verbal). This immediately puts us autistics at a disadvantage. There's definitely room for greater education and understanding among potential employers and I hope we can work towards that.

Since graduating in 2009 I've been working but on a voluntary basis. I spent a year working in a cat sanctuary, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and since January 2011 I've been volunteering as a classroom support worker in the deaf school here in Exeter, which I really enjoy. Being Aspie actually really helps with this because the Deaf mindset and the autistic mindset are really similar - bluntness, literal thinking, difficulties with idioms and figures of speech, to give a few examples - so I'm kind of a bridge between the Deaf and hearing worlds: I can spot the phrases etc the pupils are likely to struggle with and when they say they don't understand it/it doesn't make sense, I can explain it in a way that they understand. 

My long-term career goals are to become a qualified BSL/English interpreter and a published author. I've been part of the Deaf community for just over 10 years now and am gradually working towards my interpreter qualifications. It's a slow process partly because of course costs and partly because as you go up the levels, fewer Deaf tutors are qualified to teach them. I was hoping to start the level 6 NVQ in February, with the same people I did level 3 with, but it's north of Bristol a 160-mile round trip each time - between petrol costs and my limited energy, it just isn't viable. Once I've got the level 6 NVQ I can start the actual interpreter training, but the same financial, distance, availability and energy issues are present. So it's a long-term thing.

Writing-wise, I'm looking primarily at fiction. I've  got a few ideas on the go at the moment, some of which started life as pieces for my MA and that I'm gradually developing. In addition to this, I'm also trying to research for a book I want to write called "Not All Aspies Are Computer Geeks", and it will look at stereotypes, perceptions, preconceptions, etc people have about those of us on the spectrum, see where they came from and why they exist, and evaluate how accurate they actually are. So, readers, if you've come across any, whether someone once said it to you (the title is from my dad, who once phoned me asking for computer help, even though I'm not very good with computers, and he came out with, "But you've got Asperger's; aren't you meant to be really good with computers because of it?" *facepalm*), you read it online or in an article somewhere (a link would be fantastic, though not essential), or have come across it elsewhere, PLEASE send it my way! I'd be really interested to hear them all and I'd love to explore them!

Given the above, I am on disability welfare (usually referred to as "benefits" in the UK, but I don't like that term). I'm currently waiting to hear if the DWP will give me PIP (Personal Independence Payment - it's what's replacing Disability Living Allowance, supposedly because DLA's out of date but realistically because the government want to cut the amount they spend on disability support for ideological reasons), and I'm really worried. I depend on the higher mobility rate to get out and about because of my physical difficulties - without my Motability car (automatic with hand controls) I'm basically housebound. I'm also receiving Employment and Support Allowance (for people with a limited capability for work - also really difficult to qualify for). Our finances aren't great, not by a long stretch. My husband is self-employed but because a lot of his work is quite niche (storytelling, weapons training workshops, trading in larp kit) it's taking a while to get going and he's not yet making enough to pay himself a salary.

I may have missed some things off this post, but as I said at the top I'm quite tired. Going to have a break and then catch up with the Day 6 post.